Voice Dilemma Update
Ok an update on the voice dilemma:
I saw an ENT here who diagnosed my vocal problems as "all in my head"...Globul Pharyngeus - a psychosematic conversion disorder where one feels as though something is lodged in their throat.
The feeling of the cherry lodged in my throat has disappeared, however, my voice is still presenting symptoms of that in vocal nodules.
To properly diagnose nodes, you need an exam with a fully functioning stroboscopy, a machine that takes pictures of your vocal folds and plays back the picture in slow motion in order to get a proper view of how your voice is working. Unfortunately, on the day I saw the dr, his machine wasn't working properly and he said he "thought he might have seen something there..but who knows..." He was dismissive and said I'm just too stressed out. I am sure the globul sensation in my throat was stress, but now that it's gone, I am fairly certain I have been improperly cared for. So off I go to try to find a second opinion from a dr who gives a shit. I have been referred to an ENT in Victoria and am trying to see a speech and language pathologist in Vancouver who specializes in voice...I've called twice with no return call.
This means teaching and recording are put on hold indefinitely. There will be no CD release or tour this spring. I am hoping to be good as new by the summer and can push my goals to the fall.
I am very thankful that I have no major underlying illness, but I've been surprised by my emotional response to this journey. As a friend of mine beautifully articulated: "it is far more than just the inability to sing. Your voice is a huge part of your life, and extention of your heart. Not being able to use it causes us to really think stuff through on some deep levels."
There is a silver lining in all of this....it just hasn't shown itself yet. My guess is that the universe wants me to change....become an even better singer and teacher, thus becoming a much happier person and a more present mother and wife.
Your well wishes and hugs are HUGELY appreciated